Are you dominant or submissive?

Here’s another topic we really haven’t discussed here in any detail, so I thought it would be worth bringing up.  Have you ever thought of yourself or your partner as dominant or submissive in the bedroom?  It’s certainly a fascinating question to ponder.  In many sexual relationships, usually (but not always), one party is the sexual dominant, while the other is the sexual submissive.  Usually (but not always) the dominant one is the “alpha” male, while the female is the submissive.  Historically it seemed very “natural” for the male to be the dominant one as he always “brought home the bacon,” while his good, little wifey was the happy homemaker, who rarely challenged the “authority” of her alpha male.


But in the last several decades, things have been evolving and changing rapidly.  Women have become much more of a force to be reckoned with both outside and inside the bedroom.  So, how has that upset the apple cart?

Many women, even those who are alpha females in the business world still fantasize about the standard Harlequin Romance storyline when the alpha male ravages the woman with an almost unbridled and animalistic frenzy.  Some women “wake up” from this pleasant fantasy and realize they are married to a sexual submissive who almost certainly will not be as aggressive as she wants.

Meanwhile, many men who are alpha males at work, making major business decisions and being in charge all day want to come home and retreat to the bedroom and be sexual submissive to a dominant female.

And then you might be in a relationship where both of you are submissive or both dominant.  Hmm, how does that work out?  There can also be the hybrid, where a person can perhaps flex between being dominant and submissive.  But, though we can probably all flex to some degree, we are probably more comfortable with one over the other.

I think topics like this are worth pondering if you haven’t before.  It’s also important to know where you and your partner are on the dominant-submissive continuum.   I heard one female say one time, “I’m submissive and so is my husband, so it’s surprising we ever have sex because neither of us is very aggressive.”  I thought to myself that was a very profound statement and illustrated the need to understand this dynamic better.

So here are your questions:

How many of you have even pondered this dynamic in your own relationship?

Are you a sexual dominant or submissive in your relationship?  How about your partner?

How does the dominant-submissive equation work in your own relationship?  For example, if you are a sexually submissive female and you crave a dominant, alpha male, but your partner is a submissive, how does this work out for you in your relationship?

Do you have any thoughts about this? Please write me a comment, or contact me via my about about page.

You can stay tuned by liking my facebook page or following me on twitter.

As a reaction to several mails I got, I published a 110 page book: “How to begin cuckolding” – I put all my experiences in this book, starting from 0 to become a successful cuckold…




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