How to Accept Our Small Penises and Gain Sexual Confidence As A Cuckold

Those of you who have been following this blog know that I like to write about a wide variety of topics.  Yes, some of them might be a little on the edge, but while I may push the envelope discussing a wide variety of titillating subjects, the overall objective of this blog remains the same and that is for small endowed men to embrace their cock size and celebrate it.  You see, I can admit that I have a very small cock.  But, I love my small cock and wouldn’t add an inch or five in length or girth even if I could.   Just as important, my wife loves it too, so why would I want to change it?  I wouldn’t.  But, I didn’t always feel that way, so this article was written for those of you who may be having difficulty accepting your penis size.



For a small endowed man, one of the single most difficultyet important things he will ever do is learn to accept his small cock size.

It’s difficult for many reasons.  Most of us who are lesser endowed have been bombarded all of our lives with verbal and visual reminders that we don’t quite measure up.  We have seen other more well-endowed men in locker rooms and showers and probably even adult videos too.  Perhaps we have been reminded of our small size by other males or maybe even past girlfriends or wives.  Maybe like me, you have even been frustrated at not being able to find a condom that fits your small penis. There also seems to be a never-ending focus on penis size in the media.  For example, just this week there was a widely disseminated report by academicians in Australia who reported their “findings” from surveys conducted with women that indicated that yes, size does matter.  And finally, if we have had any sexual experiences with women and were judged to be inadequate serves to cement the notion that we don’t measure up.

So think about these things for a moment.  Have any of them happened to you?  Chances are, if you’re small endowed, you will certainly identify with one or all of them.

But if you a man who has an average or large cock size, you probably haven’t experienced any of these things, so in most cases they can’t identify with us at all.

Women (including our own wives), also have a hard time coming to grips with this because they don’t understand the depth of our experiences or what we think or feel.  We often keep it to ourselves.  So, this is why men with small cocks are like our own fraternity.  We generally understand each other because we have experienced many of the same things.

And to really confuse the matter, how many of you have heard other women say that size really doesn’t matter at all?  We all have.  This only muddies the water for us and leaves us thoroughly confused.  So, if you think about all of this, is it really any wonder why many of us lesser endowed men develop a serious complex about our small cocks?

The Defining Moment:

As a result of all of these life experiences small endowed men seem to fall into one of three categories.

(1)  Those Who Are Comfortable:  Some small endowed men have the ability to overcome any perceived disadvantage and function perfectly.  For those in this category, they may have even been aware they were less than average in size, but they don’t worry about it, don’t think about it, don’t talk about it, and it has never really been an issue for them.  Those in this category are definitely comfortable in their own skin.  They may even be perfectly matched with their partner (as described in the Kama Sutra) and are therefore golden.  Kudos to the men in this group!

(2)  Those Who Are Perpetually Frustrated:  Unfortunately, some lesser endowed men just can’t seem to build a bridge and get over their situation and consequently they live in a perpetual state of anxiety and frustration.  There is often some internalized anger at being “short-changed.”  Although they know there is nothing they can do about it, they are unable to reconcile their emotions and move beyond it.  I have been in this category too, and I have spoken to others who are currently in it, and I know it’s a very uncomfortable place to be.  If you’re a man in this category, it’s time to move beyond it!

(3)  Those Who Eventually Accept Themselves:  Accepting who you are is not always easy; rather accepting our endowment can be extremely difficult, but it is also very important.  I have personally lived in the second category for many years, so I know the transition from being frustrated to self-acceptance is possible, but also presents a real challenge.  So how does one transition from feeling hopelessly frustrated and “trapped” to self-acceptance?  There is often some “defining moment” or an epiphany when things change.  For me it occurred in a somewhat strange way:

I was at the gym late one time and had just gone into the shower.  No one else was there and I began showering.  Shortly after another guy came into the shower and he was only about 5’7” tall with a slender build, but what caught my attention was he had an enormous cock. It had to be close to 7” long just dangling soft between his legs. And it wasn’t just long, it was also thick. Of course I had seen other large cocks before, but there was something different this time. It’s hard to explain but it was like a light bulb went on in my head. In the past I would have quickly turned away or left the shower immediately, but this time I didn’t. I was always one of those guys who would shower in record time, or always have a towel around me.  But not this time, and I remember looking at his cock, and then down to my own and thought to myself, “His cock is huge, my cock is very small.” It was the first time I had ever acknowledged to myself that I had a small penis.  It’s like I had always known it, but never accepted it.  Well, I had no idea what the impact from that simple self-acknowledgement meant, but from that moment on everything changed.  I no longer felt shame, guilt or embarrassment at having a small penis. I felt that I actually really liked my small size.

In thinking about this later, and this was a very important, I realized that just because I had a small cock, didn’t make me any less of a man than a guy who is well endowed.  It’s merely a physical difference.  Some people are tall, some are short, some are skinny, some are overweight, some have blue eyes, some green, and some have brown. Some women have big breasts, some average and some small.   It’s just merely a physical difference.  I realized it shouldn’t change or define who I was.  It was simply one physical characteristic.

Sexual Confidence in the Bedroom

So how does all of this translate into having more sexual confidence in the bedroom?  I read a great comment written by a woman one time that I would like to share with you that illustrates the importance of sexual confidence.  She said:

“Many women have told me their biggest frustration with lovers with small penises is less about their size and more about their size insecurities paralyzing them sexually. Confidence is not something the small endowed man has to forego.”

Likewise, I have heard many women say that one of the things that really excite them is a man who is sexually confident.  Not cocky, but confident.  So, for starters, we have to realize there is more to sex and a good relationship than the size of our penises.  Women want a man who is fun, confident, and energetic, a good provider, a good husband, father, etc.  If we have all of these attributes, are they likely to kick us to curb if we have a small penis?  Of course not, but we often fail to realize that – or accept it.  So realizing the importance of sexual confidence is the first step.  Here is a similar analogy, let’s say your wife has all of the attributes you were looking for in a woman such as being a good wife and mother, she’s attractive, as well as fun and imaginative in the bedroom, etc.  If she had all of the attributes you wanted in a woman, but she had small breasts, would you kick her to the curb?  Of course you wouldn’t.  So embracing the fact that your partner loves you regardless of any one physical attribute is the most important thing to remember.   My wife loves me for who I am, and my penis size is irrelevant to her.

Understanding Your Sexual Capabilities, Needs and Communicating Them

Readers of this blog know that I sometimes refer to learning to “compensate” for having a small penis.  This shouldn’t be construed in a negative light and might even be better said by referring to an old Clint Eastwood movie, in which he says, “A good man has to know his limitations.” And, this is true whether you have a big or small penis.  For example, if you had a huge penis, should you shove it down your wife’s throat or impale her with it recklessly?  Of course not, that probably wouldn’t be much fun for her and might also cause her extreme pain. I seriously doubt that would be her idea of fun.  So, if you’re a man with a huge penis, you better think about how you approach sex.

It’s the same general principle if you’re small. I have to give credit to my wife who openly communicated a few things with me.  For example, one time she shared with me that there were certain sex positions that were not as enjoyable for her because of my small size.  Now, I could have been angry or upset, but she said it in a very thoughtful loving way, so I listened.  And, we had a lot fun researching and experimenting with several small penis sex positions (Described in detail in an article early in this blog).    As a result, the positions we use now offer more friction and a better depth of penetration for both of us.  You can call it compensation for having a small penis, or experimentation or whatever, but I like to think it was a result of good communication.

Similarly, we have enjoyed incorporating a few larger dildos into our sex lives.  I’m not threatened by that at all, in fact, I find it highly erotic.  As women will know, there are certain times such as when you might be ovulating, where a little more length or thickness can feel really good.  Those times are ideally suited for playing with a dildo. Here is an example of the wrong way to handle something like this. One woman wrote to me awhile ago and said that she had a couple of larger dildos and a few other sex toys that she would use in private.  One time she decided to invite her husband to watch her.  Well, he was so upset that he rounded up all of her toys and dildos and threw them in the garbage.  She said that she was really, really sad and that she missed her “friend.”  Unfortunately her husband, (who was in the second category), was very insecure and felt threatened by her using a dildo that was larger than his penis.

Besides, good communication which is a must, there are other things besides sex positions, toys, etc. that are important as well.  Remember the importance of not only learning but mastering the art of oral sex.   Men who are masters at oral sex will have their wives so worked up that by the time they enter them, they will create fireworks like the 4th of July.  And of course, don’t forget to treat your partner like she is special and take her out on “dates” and do some things she wants to do.  It can really help set the mood.

Lastly, I hope this article was at least somewhat helpful for those of you are having some trouble accepting your size.  I also hope that you will experience your own “defining moment” or epiphany sooner rather than later.  And for the women (wives) out there, I hope this post has provided you with a better understanding of some of the experiences or feelings that your own partner may have experienced in his journey.

Do you have any thoughts about this? Please write me a comment, or contact me via my about about page.

You can stay tuned by liking my facebook page or following me on twitter.

As a reaction to several mails I got, I published a 110 page book: “How to begin cuckolding” – I put all my experiences in this book, starting from 0 to become a successful cuckold…




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