In thinking about the purpose of this blog, I have come to realize in looking back, that I made some mistakes when it came to my understanding my husband’s penis size issues. I thought it might be helpful for me to share my personal “Lessons Learned” on this subject with other women readers. Hopefully my experiences might provide some insight for those who might be similarly confused about the issue. To complicate matters for me, there were mistakes or lessons learned both prior to and after his acceptance of his penis size. Let me explain:
Mistake # 1: I knew penis size was important to men, but I didn’t realize how important it really was.
For most men, their penis is the ultimate symbol of their manhood, masculinity and virility. Men are obsessed by them. When a man judges himself to be lacking in this area, it can have a profound effect on his sexuality and even how he views himself. When I recognized that Steve felt like he was lacking in this area, I should have understood the importance of this immediately and been more proactive in helping him deal with it.
Mistake # 2: I dismissed his sexual history.
Steve was very open and honest with me about his previous sexual history that included 8 women before me, all of whom were openly dissatisfied with the size of his penis. I mistakenly believed that by telling him how satisfying he was to me, that all of this previous sexual history would be “flushed.” It wasn’t flushed, and I know he carried around this baggage for a long, long time. In retrospect, it probably would have been a good idea to have engaged him in a deeper discussion at the time and perhaps even starting counseling sooner rather than later. This was a missed opportunity.
Mistake # 3: I missed signals of his sexual insecurity.
There were many signs of his sexual insecurity that I simply overlooked. For example, he went through one period when he was measuring his penis constantly, almost obsessively. He even went online and bought into a penis enlargement program in an attempt to increase his penis size. That should have been a major red flag to talk more about it.
Mistake # 4: Signs of Jealousy.
I’m attractive, and I admit that I enjoy talking to men, yes even flirting. Although Steve wasn’t horribly jealous, and even then I know he liked this aspect of my personality, there were definitely times when he was obviously jealous, but I didn’t quite understand the reasons for it. This should have been another red flag, and I could have been more proactive to explore it with him together. What I discovered after the fact (and this was important), was his jealousy was rooted in his sexual past. Because he had been rejected so many times previously because of his penis size, he was mentally convinced that sooner or later I would leave him for a man who was better-endowed.
Mistake # 5: Word Choice:
Almost every morning, Steve has a nice, impressive boner. I used to say things like, “That’s a nice big boner,” or, “I want that big boner.” What did Steve hear? “I wish you had a big boner,” or, “I wish you had a bigger boner.” I learned that the last thing to tell a man who has a small penis is that he has a big one. It will only create more self-doubt and become a persistent problem for him. Seemingly unimportant and innocent comments like this had a negative effect on him.
Mistake # 6: I didn’t care about the “National” Average.”
I admit I was completely disinterested in penis size. As I have stated previously, size has never been an issue for me. He was always bringing up how much smaller he was than the “National” Average. I would typically respond with my typical talking points, “You don’t feel small to me,” or, “You’re perfect for me,” or “Size doesn’t matter to me.” In retrospect, this was not very helpful for him at the time. What he was trying to do was to reach out and talk to me about it. It really, really mattered to him, but because it didn’t to me, it was a missed opportunity. I should have been more proactive, and been more interested in the “National Average, and asked him what it meant to him, or how did it make him feel, etc. Instead, I admit, I was completely disinterested.
After his “acceptance there were new things to ponder. It didn’t mean case closed, there were new revelations, and I will freely admit to being confused by them as well.
Mistake # 1: I didn’t realize the importance of simply and openly acknowledging his small penis size to him.
He was open about this need and asked me for it – more than once. The problem for me was, I never thought it was that small. What I have since learned is that it was very important and powerful for me to acknowledge it to him openly. It was his internal truth, and hearing his wife acknowledge it was also arousing to him. The most important thing I learned was, he doesn’t just want to hear it he needs to hear it. By hearing me say it, it demonstrates to him that his wife openly accepts it, embraces it and owns it.
Mistake # 2: It was difficult to get on board with small penis teasing.
This was a hard one to embrace. I felt like teasing him about his small penis was humiliating and degrading, which is the last thing I would ever do to any man, much less my husband. He went to great lengths to explain the differences between teasing and humiliation to me, and since have read more about it on his blog, including the comments from other men who crave this activity. I also saw with my own eyes the effect it had on him, which was powerful and swift. It turned him on like nothing ever had. The teasing, cock comparisons, and challenging him sexually just put him into sexual overdrive. Another side benefit is, it keeps him focused on pleasuring me sexually and provides competition for him, which is a turn on to both of us, and we both reap the benefits of it.
In thinking back, I just didn’t connect all of the dots, and a lot of women wouldn’t, which is why I felt this post was necessary. Hopefully this short article will explain the importance to women of listening to their husbands whenever they talk about their penis. Hopefully, you can learn from some of my mistakes and be more proactive up front. I guarantee it will be fun and exciting.