How a wife can deal with her husband’s small penis

Since I began this blog, one of the really surprising things to me is the number of email questions I have gotten from women who are married to men who are small endowed. They have lots of questions. Some want to know how small I am, what my wife really thinks about my small penis, what I do to compensate for my small size in bed, etc. But the vast majority of questions tend to be about how to discuss the implications of their husband’s small penis with him. These women are further sub-divided into two groups – those who have already begun these conversations and have noticed remarkable changes in their relationships and are eager to talk about it, and those who want to engage their husbands in these conversations, but haven’t yet.

So, how does a woman realize more power in the relationship by simply acknowledging that her husband has a small penis? That’s a very good question, and one without an easy answer, or an answer that is universal for all men who are small endowed. I can only speak for myself, but will attempt to explain it from my point of view. I encourage other men and women who read this to share your thoughts as well.

For a long time, I had been having intense fantasies of cuckolding and small penis humiliation, but felt like I just couldn’t acknowledge them to my wife for fear that she would think I was some kind of wacko. And then, I finally mustered up the courage and read some excerpts from a book to her. The book was written by a female author, Alex Hathaway, From Housewife to Cuckoldress: How I Took Sexual Control of a Marriage in Crisis. The book is about a woman’s earth-shattering encounter with her best friend’s supremely well-hung lover and sets her on a quest to reassert her sexual power. Her husband, Dan, is poorly endowed, but quickly accepts the fact that his wife needs more than he can provide – and finds himself intensely excited by her exploits. Before I had gone very far, my wife surprised me by asking why I was reading excerpts and hadn’t downloaded the whole book. I explained to her that I was somewhat embarrassed by the subject matter so I hadn’t purchased it. Well, she surprised me again by going online and buying and downloading the book for me on the spot! Naturally I was thrilled that she did that, and it was obvious to her how turned on I was by it. I also confessed that I fantasized about her being with a well-endowed man constantly and was very excited by that fantasy. She seemed very intrigued by this confession.


As Alex Hathaway so perfectly explains it, “As I see it, “sensual domination” of a cuckold would be along the lines of the wife/partner lovingly explaining to the man he is sexually inadequate, but that this doesn’t change the love or commitment to the relationship. It just necessitates a new kind of sexual honesty which can lead in any number of directions….” She goes on to say on her blog, “Surprisingly enough, many cuckold men I have met feel relief after going through the kind of evolution Dan goes through in the book, because they no longer have to pretend like they are someone who they are not sexually. There is a power in finding your own identity.” She goes on to say, “In reality, it takes strength to face any kind of inadequacy, to accept it, and to embrace the implications. I would argue that those men who are able to do that are far stronger than those who live in perpetual denial of their flaws.”

I found the book and her blog to be very enlightening especially because it was written by a woman. My wife liked it too. Other women who have written to me have expressed themselves in a similar way and have also noticed remarkable changes in their relationship:

“My husband has a small dick, but it never really affected me the way he thought it did. But, one time we were in bed talking about dick size and he asked me if I thought he was small, and I decided to be honest and said, Yes!” He got an amazing hard, little boner instantly. I said, “That’s it, it turns you on to hear that doesn’t it?” He got all embarrassed but admitted it did. I knew it too, hard little dicks don’t lie. I have continued to remind him of our “little secret” frequently and the change that has come over him has been nothing short of remarkable. He has become a very attentive husband!”

“Speaking from a female view – I think it has to do with a man’s acceptance that his smaller size is not adequately pleasing his wife or significant other. Once they accept it, it’s rather taboo to be teased about it. I know for me, my husband is just under 5 inches and I had no experience with other men. Once we introduced toys into the bedroom, his acceptance grow of me using them, until the inevitable happened and we purchased the big and thick ones. I believe in the safe environment of our bedroom, my husband realized along with me that the bigger size was more pleasing and accomplished what he couldn’t. That is a man’s fear with a small cock after all, isn’t it? That his woman would want a bigger man because it felt better. Now I know he felt bad about it at first, and I rarely used it to avoid hurting his feelings. But once he realized that I love him just the same, despite his short comings and still would have sex with him, the fetish began. The key is that the acceptance of his small cock came from my acceptance to him having it, and still wanting to be with him. A man is terribly insecure about his penis size… but if the woman he loves still wants him, he learns to accept it.”

“He is in a constant state of arousal IF I tease him… as long as he is in that mindset, I am pampered and spoiled! It’s a perfect situation for any woman. Learn to control his cock and you control his behavior. For those women on the ropes about humiliating their husband because of their small penis or breaking out of their vanilla sex life – I would encourage you to move forward and do it quickly. The more you embrace it, the more loving and loyal your husband will be. The more your needs will be met – a Dominant woman doesn’t mean you boss your poor hubby around and make him do all your stuff – it means that you have power. The only way to maintain that power is to keep him horny and on edge… tease him, deny him, laugh at his little erections, tell him you love him but really want a larger man inside you… if HE is asking for this, and you don’t – I am pretty sure this will fester and he will find another outlet for this.”

“For me, YES – I love the power! Men tend to dominate everything in their worlds. They are aggressive, competitive, seemingly confident! But you take that man and discover a small cock??? So I married a man with a small cock (4.5 inches and average width). He is a man in every way. Big, strong, popular and cocky. But he was not that good in bed, had a small penis, and was difficult at times to deal with. It was a long process of me learning and him learning about SPH – several years really. But then it happened, I took control – and never gave it back! It is a lot of work being in charge of my husband’s cock, it is not a once in a month thing, not if I want the best behavior out of him. Daily I tease him, use my toys…WHATEVER… it is daily… develop a preference for toys and let him know it! You will have ALL you want and he will love serving you!”

It’s obvious that these women have stumbled on to something in their relationships that has been fun and has altered their relationships with their husbands in a powerful and positive way.

So, how has all of this changed the power dynamic in our relationship? For me it started when I was able to acknowledge and accept the fact that I was small endowed and also a submissive male. That was a big step and was something that wasn’t easy to do, since men are supposed to be dominant and aggressive. I know the power began to shift at this point in our relationship. Almost simultaneously, my wife openly acknowledged my lack of manhood and sexual prowess, and also confessed that her ideal sexual partner would be an alpha male who is aggressive and dominant, yet she knows I’m a submissive, beta male. She has also acknowledged that my small penis size limits us sexually. And then visually, I’m in awe of her sexual capacity watching her pleasure herself with her much larger dildo, knowing I could never give her that feeling of fullness or touch her in places her dildo can. Consequently, when you add all of these things up, I came to realize that my wife was “settling” for less sexually by being with me than she is entitled to as a woman. I have also realized, like a lot of small endowed men that I need to compensate for my small cock and lack of sexual prowess by being a better husband, companion, etc. As my wife wrote in a recent blog entry, she knows our relationship has changed for the better and she has much more power in it. I pay more attention to her and will do things with her just because she wants to. She likes the power and my renewed focus on her.

What do the rest of you think?

Do you have any thoughts about this? Please write me a comment, or contact me via my about about page.

You can stay tuned by liking my facebook page or following me on twitter.

As a reaction to several mails I got, I published a 110 page book: “How to begin cuckolding” – I put all my experiences in this book, starting from 0 to become a successful cuckold…





  1. Great posting but I find it interesting that our experiences are somewhat different than what I think are the more “traditional” forms of cuckold/Hotwife play. We are in the Lifestyle and have two couples that we are very close with, who practice this kink somewhat differently.

    I’m not even sure that they consider it cuckolding or not. Both of our friends enjoy watching their wives with other men and no teasing or humiliation is ever involved. One guy used to (and still does) have his wife invite straight men over to have sex with her and he hides in a closet or outside to watch. For him being able to spy on them is a real turn on. Now that he’s in swinging, he will often just stand by the bed and watch. He has no interest in being with another women but just likes to jerk off while watching.

    Our other couple, the guy likes to hold his wife while she gets taken by guys. Both are professional people and “normal” by most other respects. 🙂 I’ve come to realize that Wifey and I have a somewhat skewed outlook on life after being swingers for a while. You see so many different kinks that after awhile, don’t think anything about them.

    But the big thing is that you love each other and make changes in your lifestyle to accommodate both of your desires.

    Congratulations on your book, I think it will be a positive contribution. As an author of porn myself, I’m glad that others are going out and writing books that will help others.


    1. Sorry I just saw this comment – wordpress sometimes ‘hides’ them?
      Thank you very much for the compliment and for the nice wishes!


  2. I am not a cuckold, but I believe I would enjoy it. My wife has commented on how small my penis is several times, but instead of fucking other men, she uses a vibrator while I watch and masturbate. I seldom get to even touch her pussy, much less fun it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry I just saw this – great comment, you’re not the only one!


  3. Hey Steve. I’m glad you guys can make it work, makes me hopeful. I’m finding it really difficult to bring it up. Was wondering your wife’s page? – it’s been impossible to find the advice I’m looking for…I love this guy beyond anything, I can’t cheat behind his back, but can’t be in a sexless relationship any longer (3 yrs). – Torn.


  4. does your wife have a blog of her own? would be interesting to read her side of things.


  5. No. She is not interested enough in sex to do it, much less blog about it.


  6. Steve, your old friend Tom from the old blog here. My wife has really taken to your advice over the last few years. She loves the power she has now. Tease and denial along with SPH is her thing as if she was born to it. Keep up the good work. I am forwarding this to her as a refresher, it has a couple of new points she will adore.



    1. Tom,

      thanks for the compliment ! Being back is great and it’s awesome to have lon g time readers – it’s the best compliment!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: